This blog is written by Karen Miller, who is the founder of RHOP along with her husband Tim:

The mountain of FAMILY is one that is dear to my heart. I have a strong ancestry, I come from a large family, and my husband and I have been blessed with a growing family (4 married children and 3 grandkids so far). I believe FAMILY is dear to God’s heart, because humans were His most prized part of creation, and the family is made up of humans.

So, let’s get this…EACH person matters, and is destined for some kind of greatness, whether they come from good stock, or not.  My question is… just WHO is great anyway, and HOW do we define ‘good’? God’s thoughts are so different from ours. Once we can begin seeing purpose in EVERY person we meet…whether good or evil, rich or poor, our whole paradigm shifts.

My Personal Journey

In my own journey, I have seen much beauty and much brokenness in families. Several times we have had a close friend pass away, only to meet the child(ren) during the death bed phase or at the memorial. These were grown kids that longed for a relationship with their father, and they were only now connecting again after many years. Knowing the parent well, we had no idea the kids longed for a relationship. Apparently, the parent’s own shame and guilt from his past hindered that connection. These are hard and painful situations of rejection.

And then sometimes we meet kids that come from what seems like a great religious secure bubble, and things go south. Perhaps there was still some hidden dysfunction or stronghold(?) And then we meet very spiritual elderly couples who dearly love the Lord, but they feel disconnected with their kids. Their kids are being very successful because they were trained well, but the parent/child relationship is very weak.

Love is #1

The older I get, the less answers I have. But I do know this; RELATIONSHIP is important! Unless we truly love each child and WHO they were created to be, we have limited authority over them. Maybe we need to check our own hearts, and ask God to help us LOVE. So many times, we are influenced by what people may think.

God has a plan even for those who come out of great brokenness. Let’s stop trying to judge the situation and instead see a future.  Take Nicky Cruz for example (and others like him), who was so full of demons from the hate he carried toward his hideous past….and had absolutely no understanding of the Gospel. Not only did God miraculously save him, his whole family came to the Lord; some even became ministers of the Gospel, and he himself has had a very effective ministry.

Reap What You Sow?

For years I would hear that you ‘reap what you sow’. That is true only IF there’s no change, but there is so much power in redemption that cancels all of that. THAT is why Jesus went to the cross! And sometimes we may judge someone when we really don’t know the whole story. God knows and He sees the heart; let’s leave the judging to Him. We are called to love and enable healing. Again, we have limited authority over something we do not love. (Even in our Nation. If we hate America, our prayers have limited power).

Even Joseph in the Bible came from a strong religious family, but there was dysfunction that caused a lot of grief. How often does that happen today? Did his Daddy Jacob bring some of it on himself? Perhaps.

For one, he showed partiality and spoiled young Joseph.  Joseph became cocky and arrogant around his brothers and became a tattle tale.  The brothers became jealous, seeing the favoritism. Does that happen among siblings today in ‘functioning’ families? Whether or not that happens, it’s so easy for disagreements and division to breed in families. And then sides develop…and with time parents are caught somewhere in the middle, feeling failure and regret. These are things that can be carried from one generation to the next.

Joseph’s life certainly didn’t look promising…for many years. He was placed in a very secular culture, was misunderstood by those around him, and landed in prison. However, he did have some strong Godly, ancestral roots.  In spite of that, his family also carried a stronghold of deception through the generations.

Family Strongholds

Today, families can carry strongholds that can be hindering to one’s growth. It may be control/anger, timidity/rejection, partiality/jealousy, gossip/misunderstanding or some type of addiction. It may be prejudice, poverty mindsets, sexual perversion, laziness, fear/anxiety or depression. It may even be physical traits; i.e. poor eye sight, weak bones or heart, cancer, or diabetes. Even medical doctors admit that genetics are strong. Let’s stand in the gap for strongholds and deficiencies in our family’s bloodline. Jesus took those strongholds when He died on the cross, and now as His sons and daughters, we carry His DNA, which gives us the authority to override our physical DNA.

FAMILY is an incredibly strong force on the earth. Sometimes it can be a fascinating mixture of discord AND devotion. I believe we are coming to a time of Malachi 4:6 ‘…turning the hearts of (parents) to their children, and the hearts of children to their (parents).’ We see it happening, and it is SO rewarding…and powerful! Forgiveness is powerful for the person that forgives (and sometimes it is about forgiving themselves) …and their children are blessed because of it!

Even the reconciliation in Joseph’s family was a picture of anxiety, but ended in deep healing that brought a fresh, new bond that was never imagined, even in their wildest dreams (Genesis 37-50). The devil has a plot for the family, but God has a plan. When we curse and speak down, we attract the devil’s plot. When we bless and see the good, we attract God’s plan. God can turn into good what the enemy meant for evil.

Prayer Matters

I believe prayer is important. I asked God once ‘Why do bad things still happen in my family when I pray?’ And I really felt Him replying ‘You have no idea how bad it could be if you didn’t pray.’ I have seen His intervention too many times to doubt this truth.

I challenge you to pray and declare Scripture over your family. I love doing that and I believe it can be a great preventive for the future. You can’t go wrong agreeing with Scripture! Again, we have no idea how bad it could be IF we didn’t pray and trust God! God loves YOU and God loves the FAMILY…and has a plan for EACH person in it. Let’s call it out and believe for restoration!

In Conclusion

God is a good Father and He wants to pour out His grace over families and marriages! The world is groaning to see families walk in love and liberty, and may we all visualize our children on a journey to walk in the FULLNESS for which they were created… for such a time as THIS!